06.26.2026
I want to make an album, with all that I have already learned from the YouTube tutorials I’ve been
watching on my own in my room (waiting for the car to be fixed). I know I want to exclusively use
sampled audio and heavy noisy synths, so it would be plunderphonic, like KFC Murder Chicks, though I’d
want to rely more on drum breaks. I listened to an interview with the original(?) members of the band
(who have since left, now they make music that sounds like Femtanyl 👎… I LOVE
DJ Rozwell, that band is nothing without him). They
mentioned that their first two or so albums were made in Audacity. Which is crazy to me because those
songs are insanely complex.. but it gives me a lot of hope knowing what they were able to achieve with..
simple equipment.
My only concrete idea for the album, conceptually speaking, is that it sounds unnatural and nightmarish,
but like a nightmare you enjoy. It’ll be like the feeling that the sky is falling, but it’s a feeling
you’re allowed to savor and reminisce on.
06.26
06.23.2026
Radical forgiveness
Since the car crash a week ago I’ve spent every bit of my energy hyper-focused on learning music. My screen time on my phone is down quite a lot loll. It’s at the point where I keep getting distracted from my schoolwork because I want to keep working on more music. I’ve learned almost everything there is to learn except sidechaining/routing/plug-in pin connectors (they’re not really intuitive in Reaper),, I’m just so driven by the idea of the “experience” that music can provide vs (OR in tandem with) visual arts
KFC Murder Chick’s older music is so fantastic at creating atmosphere though it’s strangeness
Radical forgiveness
Since the car crash a week ago I’ve spent every bit of my energy hyper-focused on learning music. My screen time on my phone is down quite a lot loll. It’s at the point where I keep getting distracted from my schoolwork because I want to keep working on more music. I’ve learned almost everything there is to learn except sidechaining/routing/plug-in pin connectors (they’re not really intuitive in Reaper),, I’m just so driven by the idea of the “experience” that music can provide vs (OR in tandem with) visual arts
KFC Murder Chick’s older music is so fantastic at creating atmosphere though it’s strangeness
06.22.2026
I’m finally caught up with school and life after dealing with the car accident. I’m trying my best.
My thought today is that millennials are really no different than gen z. I swear. I’m seeing it firsthand. Or maybe it’s just the millennials I surround myself with!
Soon I’ll be in flow-state, and I’ll be posting my thoughts and ideas to this page daily. I promise I have so many original thoughts and ideas.
I’m finally caught up with school and life after dealing with the car accident. I’m trying my best.
My thought today is that millennials are really no different than gen z. I swear. I’m seeing it firsthand. Or maybe it’s just the millennials I surround myself with!
Soon I’ll be in flow-state, and I’ll be posting my thoughts and ideas to this page daily. I promise I have so many original thoughts and ideas.
06.14.2026
Car accident :(
We both agreed not to file claims but my fender and hood got moved around pretty badly. They only got some paint and scratches on their car lol. Hopefully this doesn’t cost me more than a thousand to move all the parts back into place.
I’d literally be dead without DPDR.
Car accident :(
We both agreed not to file claims but my fender and hood got moved around pretty badly. They only got some paint and scratches on their car lol. Hopefully this doesn’t cost me more than a thousand to move all the parts back into place.
I’d literally be dead without DPDR.
06.14.2026
I finished the song. I realized a drum and bass track probably wouldn’t fit an experimental film very well, so I just had fun with it; I sampled some Dan Hentschel lines and formed the track around that loll. I realllyy enjoyed working on this, I feel addicted to working on music projects loll..
Even though the film is due on Thursday I think I can make a simpler ambient track in time.
Making music feels so rewarding in a very different way than making visual art. Music can be enjoyed passively and repeatedly while visual art is only enjoyed in the moment.
I finished the song. I realized a drum and bass track probably wouldn’t fit an experimental film very well, so I just had fun with it; I sampled some Dan Hentschel lines and formed the track around that loll. I realllyy enjoyed working on this, I feel addicted to working on music projects loll..
Even though the film is due on Thursday I think I can make a simpler ambient track in time.
Making music feels so rewarding in a very different way than making visual art. Music can be enjoyed passively and repeatedly while visual art is only enjoyed in the moment.
06.14.2026
I spent most of the day researching sound design. I have to make an “experimental” film for my film and video class; my plan is to produce an atmospheric dnb track and then I can build visuals around it with recordings of myself posing in front of video feedback loops (if that makes any sense). I ended up making something I really like hehe. I’ll attach what I've done so far with the song; it’s still a work in progress.
I was listening to Pure Mud Volume 7 by Prolaps today. It’s such a creative album. I figured out that pretty much all of the samples they used can be found in the Blu Mar Ten Jungle Jungle Sample Pack, which is free online. The samples are awesome. Like, I think I can make pretty much anything I can think of with those samples
I spent most of the day researching sound design. I have to make an “experimental” film for my film and video class; my plan is to produce an atmospheric dnb track and then I can build visuals around it with recordings of myself posing in front of video feedback loops (if that makes any sense). I ended up making something I really like hehe. I’ll attach what I've done so far with the song; it’s still a work in progress.
I was listening to Pure Mud Volume 7 by Prolaps today. It’s such a creative album. I figured out that pretty much all of the samples they used can be found in the Blu Mar Ten Jungle Jungle Sample Pack, which is free online. The samples are awesome. Like, I think I can make pretty much anything I can think of with those samples
06.13.2026
I was busy with curatorial work yesterday, but we ordered all of our frames and finalized our selections for installations so I’m veryyy happy
I had way more time to work on the website today. Even though it’s consuming a lot of my time, it’s been one of the most fulfilling creative endeavors I’ve pursued. I feel like I’m once again allowed to curate spaces and smaller art projects without self-established barriers and anxieties about any of it being “good enough” or whatever; the indie-web is beautiful
I have a few more things to add to this site and then I want to start working on my online zine open call project
I was busy with curatorial work yesterday, but we ordered all of our frames and finalized our selections for installations so I’m veryyy happy
I had way more time to work on the website today. Even though it’s consuming a lot of my time, it’s been one of the most fulfilling creative endeavors I’ve pursued. I feel like I’m once again allowed to curate spaces and smaller art projects without self-established barriers and anxieties about any of it being “good enough” or whatever; the indie-web is beautiful
I have a few more things to add to this site and then I want to start working on my online zine open call project
06.11.2026
I realized something today;
I’ve realized this before but I’m now realizing the importance of committing to it..
The barrier that holds back any limits to any form of creative endeavor is the fear and anxiety of making the wrong marks or moves. I don’t have to fill every single second of my creation by inserting meaning into everything. Your creations can be meaningless if they exist as a stream-of-consciousness outburst.
I realized something today;
I’ve realized this before but I’m now realizing the importance of committing to it..
The barrier that holds back any limits to any form of creative endeavor is the fear and anxiety of making the wrong marks or moves. I don’t have to fill every single second of my creation by inserting meaning into everything. Your creations can be meaningless if they exist as a stream-of-consciousness outburst.
06.10.2026
Very not happy with being perceived because my mind is too twisted and evil
Went on a walk at a park with wonderful friends and we all picked so many berries. There were many blueberries and blackberries and they were delicious. I took some photos with my camera. I feel silly taking photographs of whatever, but I want to get better with it.. I’ve been hating on photography for a bit lol but in my mind there’s a way that I can get back into photo-taking that doesn’t feel lame and evil and trendy
Very not happy with being perceived because my mind is too twisted and evil
Went on a walk at a park with wonderful friends and we all picked so many berries. There were many blueberries and blackberries and they were delicious. I took some photos with my camera. I feel silly taking photographs of whatever, but I want to get better with it.. I’ve been hating on photography for a bit lol but in my mind there’s a way that I can get back into photo-taking that doesn’t feel lame and evil and trendy
06.09.2026
This has become the most important part of my day. I’ve added that song because I’m listening to it on repeat.
I have to be vulnerable on this blog. (look at me trying to justify my actions).. I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable or sad online. That’s either maturity or suppression.
My depressive mania has been so much worse lately. It’s probably related to bipolar, so I scheduled an appointment to up my meds. I’ve been getting depressed during the summer for years and I just can’t deal with it anymore.
The only thing that would make me happy-- at this moment-- was if I didn’t live in Florida. I’ve had horrible depersonalization all day. I keep imagining myself in a cold environment,, it’s maybe 40 degrees out,, and I can feel the cold seeping into my crevices. The warmth in my room is only coming from the heater. When I get into this headspace my imagination is strong enough that I can feel things that aren’t there. I’m using this to make myself feel more comfortable in my own body. I feel like I’m living somewhere in between a dream and the real world.
I swear I’m gonna get back into drawing, and when I find my voice, or when I find something I wanna do consistently-- I’m gonna commit to it like crazy and it’ll be one of the focuses of this site. My thoughts so far are.. image transfers on paper, or digital image collage, entangled in drawings with earthy or mild coloring and strong mark making.
This has become the most important part of my day. I’ve added that song because I’m listening to it on repeat.
I have to be vulnerable on this blog. (look at me trying to justify my actions).. I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable or sad online. That’s either maturity or suppression.
My depressive mania has been so much worse lately. It’s probably related to bipolar, so I scheduled an appointment to up my meds. I’ve been getting depressed during the summer for years and I just can’t deal with it anymore.
The only thing that would make me happy-- at this moment-- was if I didn’t live in Florida. I’ve had horrible depersonalization all day. I keep imagining myself in a cold environment,, it’s maybe 40 degrees out,, and I can feel the cold seeping into my crevices. The warmth in my room is only coming from the heater. When I get into this headspace my imagination is strong enough that I can feel things that aren’t there. I’m using this to make myself feel more comfortable in my own body. I feel like I’m living somewhere in between a dream and the real world.
I swear I’m gonna get back into drawing, and when I find my voice, or when I find something I wanna do consistently-- I’m gonna commit to it like crazy and it’ll be one of the focuses of this site. My thoughts so far are.. image transfers on paper, or digital image collage, entangled in drawings with earthy or mild coloring and strong mark making.
06.08.2026
I had a thought I was supposed to share today. I forgot it. I spent a lot of time watching Twitch streams and browsing Neocities. I spend hourrrsss with Twitch on my second monitor because I treat it like a podcast. It keeps me company, which is great because the summers always feel so lonely.
I’m deleting some things off my reminders app. I love the reminders that I’ve forgotten the meaning of. I love them more than all the other reminders; I make a lot of reminders because I often forget. I need to keep the forgotten reminders somewhere. I just deleted these..
Wait ahead and feed you
73 on skinny, 76 on wide, 86 on tall
17.5 x 24.
I’d rather type ellipses with only two dots because three feels like too many. I really don’t need you to wait that long
I had a thought I was supposed to share today. I forgot it. I spent a lot of time watching Twitch streams and browsing Neocities. I spend hourrrsss with Twitch on my second monitor because I treat it like a podcast. It keeps me company, which is great because the summers always feel so lonely.
I’m deleting some things off my reminders app. I love the reminders that I’ve forgotten the meaning of. I love them more than all the other reminders; I make a lot of reminders because I often forget. I need to keep the forgotten reminders somewhere. I just deleted these..
Wait ahead and feed you
73 on skinny, 76 on wide, 86 on tall
17.5 x 24.
I’d rather type ellipses with only two dots because three feels like too many. I really don’t need you to wait that long
06.07.2026
It’s 3pm and I desperately want to go out and do everything ever. But I’m still ill and it’s horribly hot out.
Senselessly listening to Birds by Crystal Castles on repeat.
I think I'll add my last.fm on my links page.
8pm; if you take care of your things, they will take care of you. I find myself wanting to demand that the people around me start to treat their own belongings better. Maybe they take what they have for granted, or I’m just jealous of the carelessness others have the privilege to possess. If I could convince them to treat their possessions with more love, it would so easily eliminate inevitable heartache. I don’t want people to experience avoidable grief.
It’s 3pm and I desperately want to go out and do everything ever. But I’m still ill and it’s horribly hot out.
Senselessly listening to Birds by Crystal Castles on repeat.
I think I'll add my last.fm on my links page.
8pm; if you take care of your things, they will take care of you. I find myself wanting to demand that the people around me start to treat their own belongings better. Maybe they take what they have for granted, or I’m just jealous of the carelessness others have the privilege to possess. If I could convince them to treat their possessions with more love, it would so easily eliminate inevitable heartache. I don’t want people to experience avoidable grief.
06.06.2026
I spent all day working on the audio project. I’m happy with what I made. I’ll probably share it somewhere after I make a video to go along with it. I’m still feeling slightly ill, but the antibiotics have helped a lot. I didn’t do as much thinking today.
I spent all day working on the audio project. I’m happy with what I made. I’ll probably share it somewhere after I make a video to go along with it. I’m still feeling slightly ill, but the antibiotics have helped a lot. I didn’t do as much thinking today.
06.05.2026
Day two of “recovering” from the illness. I stayed home all day. I spent most of my time obsessively trying to find specific samples to use in my sound-based project for my beginning film and video class. We have to make an “Invisible landscape” with only sampled sounds. Even if it’s super kitsch, I felt like I wanted to make an audio piece about contemporary paranoia, so I’m mostly taking inspiration from the LSD Dream Simulator Soundtrack. I feel that the game’s repetitive music captures the feeling of thought loops and anxiety very well and it’s something I’d like to emulate. Instead of having full tracks in the game’s files, it uses 247 different sounds with MIDI to create the music in real time, giving the game over 400 “tracks.” Someone ripped those sound files so they’re all mine now hehehe. I’ve also been really obsessed with the sound of shortwave radio transmissions, specifically the ones used by governments to send secret encrypted code, like the audio where someone robotically reads off a series of numbers or letters while radio static interferes. I think it creates a gloomy atmosphere that induces fear of war or threats that are out of your individual control. There’s such a great variety of noises to sample from them, and many of those transmissions are publicly available via The Conet Project on the internet archive. Here’s a snippet of what’ve made so far...
Day two of “recovering” from the illness. I stayed home all day. I spent most of my time obsessively trying to find specific samples to use in my sound-based project for my beginning film and video class. We have to make an “Invisible landscape” with only sampled sounds. Even if it’s super kitsch, I felt like I wanted to make an audio piece about contemporary paranoia, so I’m mostly taking inspiration from the LSD Dream Simulator Soundtrack. I feel that the game’s repetitive music captures the feeling of thought loops and anxiety very well and it’s something I’d like to emulate. Instead of having full tracks in the game’s files, it uses 247 different sounds with MIDI to create the music in real time, giving the game over 400 “tracks.” Someone ripped those sound files so they’re all mine now hehehe. I’ve also been really obsessed with the sound of shortwave radio transmissions, specifically the ones used by governments to send secret encrypted code, like the audio where someone robotically reads off a series of numbers or letters while radio static interferes. I think it creates a gloomy atmosphere that induces fear of war or threats that are out of your individual control. There’s such a great variety of noises to sample from them, and many of those transmissions are publicly available via The Conet Project on the internet archive. Here’s a snippet of what’ve made so far...
06.04.2026
I’ve been on and off sick for the last three weeks, and I woke up with a worse sore throat. :( I think I haven’t recovered fully because I’ve been too eager to party and because this world is evil.. I saw the doctor and they gave me antibiotics and also medicated cough medicine that’s also an anesthetic, and I feel like I’m getting high off this shit. I didn’t get to work on the site much today, but I wanted to add that I’ll eventually add a page for music. I love music. I can’t love music enough. I’ve been listening to the band Julie again and they’re really beautiful. (I like this blog because I can be as vulnerable as I want..) I felt so badass listening to them to and fro the walk-in clinic. Y♥y.
I’ve been on and off sick for the last three weeks, and I woke up with a worse sore throat. :( I think I haven’t recovered fully because I’ve been too eager to party and because this world is evil.. I saw the doctor and they gave me antibiotics and also medicated cough medicine that’s also an anesthetic, and I feel like I’m getting high off this shit. I didn’t get to work on the site much today, but I wanted to add that I’ll eventually add a page for music. I love music. I can’t love music enough. I’ve been listening to the band Julie again and they’re really beautiful. (I like this blog because I can be as vulnerable as I want..) I felt so badass listening to them to and fro the walk-in clinic. Y♥y.
06.03.2026
I have so many ideas for ways to use this site! :D I think I need to write down some thoughts so that I can come back and remember what I want to do. I need to have a photo gallery, because I want to take photographs of my world without feeling pressured (by myself) to make art out of every image I produce. I need to make a dream journal; it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I need to over do my about me page! I feel like my likes and interests and dislikes change so much. I want to add a page with my favorite sounds or just sounds I’ve been collecting. I’ll probably think of more stuff.
There was overcast all day. Even though it’s summer in Florida the weather was about 76 degrees. It was beautiful. I went on a walk with a very dear friend, and I drew fun faces in my sketchbook. I want to get more comfortable with drawing, but it’s been so hard to get back into.
I have so many ideas for ways to use this site! :D I think I need to write down some thoughts so that I can come back and remember what I want to do. I need to have a photo gallery, because I want to take photographs of my world without feeling pressured (by myself) to make art out of every image I produce. I need to make a dream journal; it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. I need to over do my about me page! I feel like my likes and interests and dislikes change so much. I want to add a page with my favorite sounds or just sounds I’ve been collecting. I’ll probably think of more stuff.
There was overcast all day. Even though it’s summer in Florida the weather was about 76 degrees. It was beautiful. I went on a walk with a very dear friend, and I drew fun faces in my sketchbook. I want to get more comfortable with drawing, but it’s been so hard to get back into.
06.02.2026
I haven’t even finished setting this page up, but I felt deeply compelled to start writing and documenting. I wanted to create this site as a living journal and an external way to live my life. I’m sure this page will look far different by the time you’re reading it.
I haven’t even finished setting this page up, but I felt deeply compelled to start writing and documenting. I wanted to create this site as a living journal and an external way to live my life. I’m sure this page will look far different by the time you’re reading it.